Mama-Bee

Name - Alexis Abyss ::I can see that she’s related to Zeo Abyss, that’s already an interesting premise to follow on, let’s see how this turns out!::
    Cynthia Blackthorn (undercover identity name for SSR)
    When Alexis goes on  missions she wears  a black wig, makes her skin pale white, and wears black leather clothing most of the time to seduce and trick her enemies. When she is Cynthia, she sometimes acts seductive and sassy to lower in her enemies. While  on other times she plays as a cold-hearted, emotionless, stoic person; she acted this way when she was in Hades Inc. ::A vital thing to remember about writing a character for beyblade is that you need to know the boundaries. Beyblade is appealing towards a kid’s demographic, making your character act ‘seductive’ to lure in her enemies is somewhat inappropriate to implement, especially when she starts becoming a spy while she’s still a minor, as this can easily be associated with pedophilia::  ((unless you meant the use of “seduction” in her older years in which you should specify))
=As to her appearance, how does she normally look, compared to her Cynthia persona - does she resemble Zeo in some way? I also need to add that the combination of pale skin and black leather is overdone; a character doesn’t have to wear black, let alone black leather, to convey the ‘badass’ or ‘sexy’ aura. Plus, white is already a pale color, so “pale white” is redundant. Try ‘porcelain skin’, which also hints at a pale skin tone.=                    

Gender-Female
Nationality- American
Birthdate- November 13
Age-13-15( Seasons1,2,3)
20-22(before and  during  Zero G)
Height- 5ft 6in
Relatives- Mr. and Ms. Abyss ( parents)
 Margaret “ Skylar” Abyss(Younger sister)(oc)
   Zeo Abyss ( older brother)
Occupations-
Former member of Dungeon Gym
Owner of Dungeon Gym ::I ponder how she became the owner of the Dungeon Gym, does Coach Steel entrust her that much to the point where he’d pass down his gym to her?::
    Spy for Silver Star Rex ( temporary)
    Silver Star Rex was a newly founded  beyblade cooperation group that Alexis found not long after she moved away where she originally lived. The main goals of the organization is to prevent World War 3 = What? = and the usage of Beyblades used as nuclear power sources by spying on powerful beyblade conspiracy groups and protecting bladers on the risk of being kidnapped. *Ok, how can beyblades be used as nuclear power source? The power that comes from beyblades does not happen due to radiation or any other sort of nuclear activity. It’s from the spirits themselves or a star fragment if they’re a legendary blader. Nuclear activity in a beyblade would mean that the blader would get constant radiation from their bey, thus meaning bladers would constantly have negative side effects. Obviously this doesn’t happen or else this show would be even more darker than it is.*They start out small since no one expects World War 3 or people abusing the usage of Beyblades. *Can I hear a Doji anyone?*More people began to join after Hade Inc. was shut down by authorities. Gingka and Kyoya, as well as the legendary bladers, are protected under the organization without them noticing or knowing. (just pick one or else it sounds redundant) They would have been a bigger and more progressive (again, sounding redundant) group if they partnered up with the WBBA, but due to the WBBA allowing people like Dr. Ziggurat and Doji to host tournaments and get away with their crimes, the SSR doesn’t trust the WBBA enough to partner up with them. Regardless, they aren’t against them either.
Manager of Dungeon Gym( Zero G)
Abilities- Martial arts, spying, acting,parkouring
Hobbies- Beyblading, parkouring, spying(temporary)
::It’s refreshing to see that she shares different hobbies and abilities that the typical OC normally doesn’t have; such as parkouring and martial arts::

Flaws-
   

Risk Taking and Paranoia - Alexis had a hatred for people who were selfless :: Don’t you mean ‘selfish’? Selfless pertains to being concerned more with the needs and wishes of others than with one's own:: and greedy, so she forced herself to be selfless at all costs in order to avoid becoming something she despises::Why does she harbor so much hatred for selfish and greedy people in particular?::. This greatly affected her safety and health as she did anything to protect people including her loved ones thus had never bothered to be open-minded about taking care of herself or for her life (again, redundant) despite her not being suicidal nor thinking that her actions would emotionally impact her loved ones to be concerned or hurt.(PLEASE do not use so many ands, plus again redundant) ::As a spy, Alexis holds a certain responsibility for it, her willingness to jump into situations without thinking can become quite problematic. When you’re a spy, you need to be analytical, strategical, and patient. Being impulsive can easily get her caught, captured, or even killed for that fact, it isn’t exactly the best trait to give her.:: Even though she was called out by her parents  after Metal Fury ::Why would her parents call her out? What do you mean by that?::, it temporarily impacted her until she was requested to do the mission from SSR that would drive her paranoia out of control.

Scars- Whenever Alexis was on a mission where she would put her life on the line, she would often get scars. Most of them were from the debris of the building that ended up collapsing in Zero G. ::This is a good addition to the biography and this provides more of a realistic sentiment to it::
Auditory Defensiveness and anxiety( temporary)- Alexis had developed this after a bomb that was nearby her had went off. The damage lasted for over a year and had caused her anxiety to worsen since she was constantly having flashbacks when she heard a loud and unexpected sound.
   ***Note: With the help of Margaret, she was taught meditation and very effective calming exercises. Alexis practiced them when she had time to spare to cope and "cure" her defensiveness and anxiety.

Personality-
Childhood to early Adolescence Early- Alexis was a very expressive,selfish,self centered child. She thought that she was always right and denied everything when she was called out. When beybattling, she would often make fun of other’s beyblades when they lost to her. She desired for more power in and wanted to be the best in the country. She was the girl who wanted to break stereotypical labels and gender roles in American Society.::Stereotypes? Gender roles in American Society? If there’s something troubling in the American Society in Beyblade, I think you’ll have to specify what the stereotypes labels and gender roles are, be aware that Beyblade is primarily focused on the world of battling rather than that. You should go into depth about this:: *What evidence do you have to support that stereotypical labels and gender roles exist in the beyblade world? Sure in society there are aspects of those but none seen in beyblade. If there were then Madoka would not have been allowed in the survival battle or looked down upon even when she stopped Kyoya’s special move* She believed she would never have any children or ever get married and remained antisocial and independant ::As a child, children aren’t fixated on the topic of romance and trying to have kids of their own, as they’re too young or naive to either care or know about the subject::  until her brother introduced her to Toby and Masamune.
She even realized that Toby has much much more stronger and calmer in beybattles. This made Alexis grow jealousy, but only for a while, she then thought about using him for her own advantage. ::Aww but Toby is so innocent! But this a bit contradictory for Alexis, in the biography, it is stated that Alexis harbors hatred for selfish people but she’s using Toby for her own personal gain; which makes her seem extremely hypocritical:: But she ended up developing a crush that caused her to act more friendly and caring around him. ::How did she end up developing a liking towards him so suddenly? That would be pretty interesting to see and go into depth about:: She began to drastically change her personality when Toby was hit with Cancer due to radiation causes ::Cancer? It was never directly stated in the show if whether Toby had cancer or not. The show specifically said he developed a mysterious illness, they never determined if it was cancer in particular; in short, this is very invalid:: This caused her to develop the fear of radioactive material and the disease itself, which caused her to join Silver Star Rex easily ::How does her joining Silver Star Rex intertwine with her being petrified of radioactive material and cancer?::.


   Adolescence to Adulthood-  Alexis is a calm and self controlled person in most situations despite her paranoia. ::When did she turn into a more calmer person? Did maturity and growing up into an adult contribute to why she’s like this?::. When it comes to displaying her emotions, she conceals half of what she really feels or thinks. She does this around strangers or situations that don’t interest her. She usually does this when a situation or  is neutral when discussing on a subject she doesn’t really  have any feelings or thoughts about( e.g talking about entities and religion)::In short, she basically shares a neutral standpoint about anything, adding onto this wasn’t necessary::. She becomes more expressive when  a situation or discussion is either seem positive or full of hatred or fear towards her So which is it? = and around her loved ones when they expect a reaction out of her; such as being romantic towards Toby when he expects something from her. = This last part hurt my brain. Does she act the way people expect her to act, or not? = Also when beyblading, she releases all of her excitement but conceals fear or frustration. = Why would she conceal fear or frustration, specifically? = She puts her loved ones over her, meaning that they are more important than her own life, which can be threatening to her well-being. = There is such a thing as over-explaining; the OC creator would do well to avoid this. = In serious topics or situations she will take them seriously = Why would she do otherwise and not take such topics seriously? = and depending on it she becomes a paranoid and stubborn around her loved ones are in the situation with her since she doesn’t want them to get hurt or risk their lives and causes more of them than the danger or the outcomes of the situation itself. = So… she’ll keep something to herself so she doesn’t create trouble for her loved ones because she doesn’t want them to risk their lives. = When one of her loved ones get angry, she’ll talk to them or tell them to stop the conflict right away and will try to end it herself when they refuse to listen or to agree to calm down or threaten them. = A beta reader would really help fix the many run-on sentences in this bio. Not only does it become confusing when ‘or’ and ‘and’ are used very often, it becomes tedious for the reader to go on reading. = One time where she would defend someone if they are being picked on, she would break the conflict if both people are arguing; if the situation was where the person was weaker than the bully, Alexis would use physical actions than verbal ones instead to end the conflict. In public places she is antisocial and only focuses on her goals and important tasks. = This needs some clarification, as her ‘loved ones’ could certainly disagree even in public - does that mean she wouldn’t break up their argument if it took place somewhere public? = She rarely asks for help for any task at all and has confidence when she  does something; if the task is a bit risky, she gets more concerned rather than being confident when someone is around or involved with it. = More clarification is needed - she can be concerned even while still confident, so perhaps you mean to say “she gets more cautious when someone accidentally gets involved”? = When it comes to her proving a point or defending what she believes in, she would use her realistic ideology = What realistic ideology? How does it differ from, say, Ginga’s? = and make sure that her voice is heard for every word she says to the person so she raises it so it can be heard. = Redundant. You already mentioned she raises her voice, no need to say it twice. Also, it may be better to say she speaks clearly, instead of saying she speaks loudly. = She is generally open minded about others opinions,beliefs and topics, but if they seem it’s against her own ( views being too conservative or utopian   ) she won’t be very open minded in believing or understanding it. = Contradictory. If she’s open-minded, it won’t matter to her if someone’s views are too ‘utopian’ or ‘conservative’. =
She is generally calm and shows little emotions to strangers when she meets them for the first time and won’t talk much either but will only respond to them if they talk to her. Usually her responses to strangers are short and vague. Although she doesn’t show much to them, she cares for every human and animal life but not those who want to kill or hurt or violate the right of  others. = I feel this sentence says more about her than all the other paragraphs previously, but that’s just my opinion. = Although she would if she sees someone as a serious  danger or threat. = She would...what? =
When it comes to her emotions, she is sometimes proactive and careful on how she handles them. She doesn’t want to ever take out her anger or frustration over loved one but will do an activity or something to distract herself, such as beyblading a strong opponent or hitting a punching bag. When it comes to stress she doesn’t give in to it but will conceal it and not complain about it. When showing happiness she usually gives off a strong grin and stable  body movements that indicate signs of happiness. When it comes to handling sadness, she conceals  and let it fade from there, she us.She doesn’t run away from her problems  and confronts them, she also does this when she is scared; stands up for herself and doesn’t give into panicking and uses the threatening card as a wall over her fear.
= This portion will benefit from some trimming, as it suffers again from over-explanation - in fact, so far, the personality section is over-explained. Some notes on this ‘emotions’ section.

By saying she handles negative emotions by distracting herself, that in itself is a good foundation for Alexis’s personality, as far as emotions are concerned. There is no need to enumerate stress, sadness, and happiness one by one.
What, exactly, are these signs of happiness? If she has a big (not strong) grin, it should be clear she’s happy - how much more obvious can it get? Also, what, exactly, are stable body movements? That part can be eliminated.
How does she let sadness fade? Does she listen to music, indulge in emotional eating or else in a hobby? The sentence was also incomplete.
Since her reaction to problems and to fear is practically the same, they can be combined into one sentence. Also, the last part about a “threatening card as a wall over her fear” is unclear, and can actually be omitted from the paragraph without detracting from the overall message.

Alexis enjoys being a bit adventurous and likes to spice things up when she is bored sometimes she’s a bit rebellious. Parkouring is one of her favorite things to do daily besides beyblading. And often does this at other places than the park and would avoid get caught by authorities or the police. She is always up for challenges and dares on her spare time as well. This allows her to get away from her negative thoughts.
She usually becomes more serious in beyblade or when she feels that something is a different or suspicious about a person or situation. She will observe and try to notice patterns as best as she could so she can get more information. She even “plays” or sets up experiments that don’t seem obvious to get a different result and perspective of the battle or situation as well. She would use the things that she has and her environment to her advantage to form experiments. After knowing a decent amount of information she can quickly assume and discover weaknesses and , she stops for a while and will trick the opponent or “puppet”into a trap revealing their weaknesses and exposing more about them. When doing a mission she acts and fakes herself around others and wears different disguises. But after she “retired” she doesn’t fake herself around others since she wanted to take her life more seriously with her social life. She began to become more optimistic and gentle after she faced traumatizing events  on a mission to be mentally healthier.
= While one reviewer already mentioned parkour earlier, I just want to repeat that having an OC who knows parkour is interesting, and it seems a good way for Alexis to let loose, besides her turning to Beyblading. I cannot stress this enough, though - over-explaining in a bio has the unfortunate effect of confusing readers, and tiring out those who can get over the confusion.

A good rule of thumb is to pick 3 to 5 defining traits of an OC, and then dedicating a paragraph of up to 5 sentences to each trait. This paragraph should elaborate on why this is a defining trait for the OC, or else give an example of when such a trait worked against the OC. This forces creators to condense their OC’s personality into something they can reel off in a single sentence. Imagine you’re telling someone about your OC - can you really say everything mentioned above without boring that person in real life?

Back to this last part of Alexis’s personality. I personally like how what seems to be a manipulative side to her exists, as this is in line with her having a spy persona in the form of Cynthia. However, it needs to be clear that she perfected this combination of observation and puppetry (for lack of a better term) after some time, since it’s a skillset that one needs to work on before it can be used adequately - even if she’s one of those people who’s good at reading others, or has a knack for manipulation. The aim here is to create a believable character, even for a fantastical world as is found in the MFB universe. =

Love Interest- Toby Faust ::Just a heads-up, Toby’s surname isn’t actually Faust, Faust is just the alter-ego of Toby that appears in the Metal Masters season. He doesn’t share a last name, just like Ryuga doesn’t::
Relationships
Toby
Childhood- These two met when Zeo introduced her to Toby and Masamune. She later developed a childhood crush on him but brushed it off since she wanted to keep her promises about not being or ever getting into a relationship in her life ::Why didn’t she wish to get into a relationship? These sort of things need to be mentioned when creating a biography or the viewer/reader will result in becoming baffled::.Her feelings inspired her  caused her to get more closer and act kind around him. He taught her how to make her own special moves and  find the weaknesses in whomever she battled with. This lead Alexis to become more stronger than Zeo ::Zeo? Wow Alexis must’ve been pretty weak back then jkjk:: at the time since she payed more attention and took the game and Toby’s advice more seriously. Whenever Masamune and Zeo would argue with Alexis, Toby would always have to find a way to calmly find a solution. Eventually the friendship “ended” after Alexis moved into her new home with her mother after a divorce had taken place between her parents. ::Aww it’s saddening that their friendship was short-lived::


Adolescence to Adulthood-  
Anything that Alexis is mostly had something to do with Toby and his motivations. This caused Alexis to join Silver Star Rex so no blader would be in danger or the power of  beyblades would be abused. She had shown signs of being independent and she had not made a “list” of the characteristics of a specific love interest since it was stereotypical ::Why would Alexis need to make a ‘list’ about a particular love interest? How does this statement apply to her being independent? This only shows that’s she not interested in dating::. She tried contacting Zeo and her father but they didn’t pick up the phone and weren’t writing back to her letters, most of them were about Toby, this caused Alexis to assume to think Toby was dead leaving her being heartbroken for a while. When she reunited with the trio, she broke into tears and tacked = tackled? = them with a hug. With Toby in the middle, she was on top of him. She backed away pretending that it didn’t happen and tried to hide her face blushing. She had kept her feelings concealed for  15 years since she feared the friendship she had with the gang would change everything.She has feelings for him since she was 7 years old.::Why was the age she started to grow feelings for Toby necessary to add?::
   Once Alexis confronted her feelings to Toby ::What happened to her promise to herself? This promise appears to be totally disregarded and never mentioned again::, she had began to thrive and develop a more optimistic personality. The two have a typical romantic relationship on a daily basis. During the time of Alexis’ anxiety, he would constantly spoil her with gifts and surprises and dates. Both of them make up and plan times to spend time beybattling, hanging out with family and friends. They would do stereotypical dates and activities, Alexis really didn’t mind despite her disliking stereotypes.::Isn’t Alexis’ character defined by trying to break stereotypes? Making her have a ‘stereotypical’ romantic relationship and openly admitting that, defeats the purpose of her trying to defy that::
= I’m in agreement with this statement. It may help to find something else Alexis’s character hinges on, besides her wanting to break stereotypes, because a stereotypical relationship - in an anime about spinning tops, I might add - undermines what could be a good character. =
    Both of them deeply cared for each other’s health and happiness, they often exercise and do mentally healthy activities.With the love that Alexis was getting from Toby, she would wake up early and check his blood pressure to make sure he is healthy and well, and go back to sleep when finished. No one is dominant or submissive in the relationship as they take their turns equally as partners. On a regular basis they go on hikes,camp or run outside. Sometimes they would roughhouse.::Acknowledging the fact that she’s trying to take care of Toby and be cautious of his health, I don’t think roughhousing would best suit their relationship, especially when Toby is more of a lover than a fighter::

   Zeo( Brother)-As siblings they argued and made fun of eachother a lot as children. When they didn’t calm down or had gotten along, they were punished by wearing “ this is our getting along” t-shirt for the rest of the day. Usually both of them calmed down a bit when they were around Toby and both of them would debate on who was right in a beyblade battle. Alexis often referred him as “fox-head” while Zeo referred her as “airhead maniac.”  ::This is a very realistic component you added here about a brother-sister relationship:: They both played “ Truth or Dare” besides beyblading if one of them disagreed to play the game. = At least they don’t always bond over Beyblading. =
When the divorced happened, Zeo was very angry about everything that happened so he took his anger out on Alexis when she wanted to hug him. Alexis would often beg her mother to see her brother again, but she refused. ::Why would her mom refuse to let Alexis see him again? Don’t forget that this is basically her own blood-related son, having the mother completely forget about him and not wish to see him again is unlikely:: This allowed both of them follow separate destinies and personalities.
After the two reunited, after Metal Masters, the relationship returned back to normal. They were closer and  still gotten into each other’s nerves but instead more in a calm manner rather than fully yelling or arguing about it. When both of them have free time they don’t battle together but with the rest of the gang. Alexis showed to still show the same interactions with Toby but less expressive compared to a child.This caused Zeo to constantly tease Alexis around the rest about her having feelings for him ::This seems ooc for Zeo to do, Masamune would most likely be the who teases Alexis for holding affections for Toby, not him. Zeo would most likely respect her feelings, albeit, even support their relationship rather than being immature about it::. Alexis remained calmed when ever Zeo roasted her but sometimes giggled or laughed depending how bad she was roasted. Sometimes she would honestly admit it or partly deny a roast. ::It’s recommended not to use slang when writing something for a diverse audience, especially when it can easily confuse someone. Instead of using ‘roasted’ to define what Zeo does, simply say he ridicules her or castigation::


Masamune -( Close friend)
Masamune constantly bugged, pranked and teased Alexis during their childhood to get a reaction out of her and often used sexist ::Uh… Sexist?:: and immature humor towards her. Whenever  one is on an argument, Masamune and Zeo automatically take sides and don’t listen to Alexis. Toby would try remaining neutral but he sometimes has to pick a side on who makes a valid point. = This last sentence can be omitted since this portion should be talking about Alexis’s relationship with Masamune. The next to last sentence should be edited to show the same - for example, “Whenever Masamune argues with Zeo, he tends to ignore Alexis.” =
Afterwards in Metal Masters, Masamune would want to constantly battle with Alexis since the fights were always entertaining and intense. Masamune sometimes would give off hints for one  of his friends to roast each one another and would watch from behind and watch and laugh out of control. This usually happens  between Zeo and Alexis. ::Now this is a good representation of Masamune’s personality, you did a great job exhibiting who he is as a character and there isn’t anything out of place::
Gingka Hagane-( Strong Ally/Friend) The two first interacted after Dr. Ziggurat was taken into jail for his crimes. Both of them had respect for each other. Alexis told Zeo and her friends what she was doing at Hades Inc. Gingka listened to the conversation and heard about the organization she was in. She told him what it was about, this led Gingka to think about joining after what happened.
After Metal Fury, Gingka joined the group and left Japan to go to America and train there to follow the organization's goal as his main occupation.
The two meet and  interact with each other after they were assigned to be partners in the mission. Their friendship became stronger after they shared a lot of moments of their childhood and adventures. When Gingka was having difficulty sleeping at the time of the mission, Alexis often drugged him without noticing so he could sleep.Both  regularly check on each other to know they were both  doing with his treatment after the mission.
Gingka would sometimes came back to America and battle and temporary stay to meet up with the gang.  Gingka would often lighten the mood just to give Alexis a smile on her face when not even Toby could comfort her for a year. = I honestly don’t believe this is something Ginga would do, plus, it’s implied that Pegasis’s partner is affiliated with the WBBA. He might partner with Alexis for a mission, true, but as a member of the WBBA rather than SSR. Also, it would help to either mention what kind of mission it was where Ginga had trouble sleeping, or omitting that portion altogether. =

Margaret “Skylar” Abyss(Younger Sister)(oc)- Like typical sisters, they depend and respect each other. Margaret looks up to her sister as a role model since she always risked her life for the ones she cared for. Alexis was always honest to her when she developed trust issues. She told her   secrets and her love for Toby. Margaret kept the secrets safe and didn’t tell anyone. There were times where she did small things for Alexis since she knows about her paranoia and insecurities. A year after Zero G, Margaret was teaching Alexis to become more open-minded when it comes to trusting people as well as becoming more optimistic. This helped Alexis confess her feelings to Toby,  and create a more healthier relationship with their parents.  With her help, Alexis' trust issues were no more. ::It’s good to see that Toby wasn’t the only one who was trying to help Alexis when she was going through paranoia and insecurities issues within herself, this gives a good viewpoint of their relationship and personally I like this sisterly bond between the two::

Minori Takeyima( Sister-in-Law)(oc)- As childhood friends, the two had a rival-like friendship at the beginning.  Alexis would try to bring Minori down with anger or sometimes throughout beybattles. But not matter what she did, Minori didn’t budge and she knew that Alexis was a very insecure person with a wall to hide her insecurities as a girl. She was  kind to her in most situations, and would call her out on her actions. Minori sometimes loved getting a reaction out of Alexis by using puns nonstop. The two were equally strong in beybattles, this would often resolve in ties.
As teens, Minori would  often flirt around Zeo and sometimes with Alexis. Alexis would get embarrassed when Minori openly admits her fantasies and perverted thoughts about Zeo. Minori would often pull off her tricks to make Alexis laugh and she never stopped pulling in puns. During adulthood, Minori helped Alexis get well with her anxiety and auditory defensiveness.

Sakyo Kuroyami( Brother-in-Law)- Since Alexis had biased views against Sakyo, this caused a difficult time approaching and trusting him. Alexis had a hard time understanding why Margaret would accept him and have nothing against him. It wasn’t until where Margaret told what happened in Japan when she was in a coma. Alexis began to see Sakyo slowly go through development and show signs that he wasn’t greedy but did care for his teammates and friends even though he didn’t show much affection.
Alexis fully opened up herself when she was in a tag team battle with him as her partner during the World Championships. The two learned how to work together during the battle. Since then Alexis would  often talk to him when she has the chance. She would even tell him the importance of her former job with SSR. This made Sakyo much more curious about the program and learned how it affected Alexis. It was her love for the world,beyblade and the future rather than just solely friendship that made her beyspirit strong.
Learning about this, Sakyo began to volunteer with Margaret’s help. He started to grow more bonds and love others rather than his friends. This resulted in him winning against Zero in the final battle of the international championships. = This portion needs some editing to make it clear that it’s talking about Alexis’s relationship with Sakyo and not Sakyo’s relationships with other people. His involvement with Margaret does bear mentioning, as does his volunteering at SSR - but not to the extent of how this led to him winning against Zero. That last part is unnecessary. =

Enemies-   Team Star Breaker  ( formally) = I’m guessing this is ‘formerly’, not ‘formally’. = , and   The Diamond Resistance,  and James Sims
The Diamond Resistence is the oligarchy group that started out as the main political party in North Korea and killed the nation’s dictator and overtook the government’s power. They soon expanded to other Asian countries and took over them; such as Singapore, Vietnam, and trying to take over Japan. With Japan being Allies to America, tension between the Diamond Resistence and the United States began to grow and it started showing signs of WW3 and the use of beyblades as nuclear weapons was expanding. The oligarchy is made up of   3 people and a secret member ( Doji). = The premise of this is interesting, but as mentioned earlier in this review, Beyblades as nuclear weapons is highly questionable because of the adverse effects they would have on the bladers, and the fact that in the series, the Beyblades are channeling certain constellations; there’s no radiation involved. Some tweaking might help this potential conflict fit into the series better. =
Beyblade Info
Constellation/Myth-   Eros
   Name- Bloodlust Eros CS945T( Has it from childhood to Zero  G)
    Rose Gold Eros  FT367( Bey after Zero G)

Elements-     Earth, Destruction and Lust( Former elements) ::Lust isn’t an element, lust is a deadly sin, there’s a distinct difference between the two subjects::
   Earth, Love and Creation ( Elements after Zero G) ((neither is “Love and Creation”))
Although the name and the elements changed,  it’s still the same bey but with a different color pallet and logo. It changed due to it being cracked after a bomb went off during her mission. Bloodlust Eros represented the self destruction Alexis was slowly going through her life despite her not having a traumatizing childhood. Rose Gold Eros resembles Alexis “blooming” out of her anxeity and the end of her self destruction.
Type- Attack(former) ::If she used to possess an attack type, then what’s her new type?::
Special Moves-  
Thorn blitz- Alexis will use this attack for special uses and certain situations. Thorn blitz is a deadly move that and shatter a beyblade into pieces. An explosion   occurs before  spikes pop out of the fusion wheel  that are made out of diamonds. Due to diamonds having a stronger hardness than metal, it strips and polishes metal with ease. She usually uses this move against enemies such as people who are a part of the Diamond Resistance. She must hit the beyblade as close as possible to destroy it also it won’t be seen in the naked eye, otherwise her enemies will be using diamond beyblades against her.(( I like the piece of irony you placed by using diamonds against the Diamond Resistence, but the idea itself has two flaws. First flaw: what would cause the beyblade to cause an explosion? A reaction like that has more to do with the science of chemistry than mere anime cliché explosions with no reason at all. Is there a combustion or tension by the metal parts because of the diamonds? If that's the case then how unless the diamonds you're using have another chemical component that caused it.))
Groundbreak-Power and energy from the beyblade gets transferred to a spring and  stake( like a pencil) that’s inserted within the beyblade it causes the performance tip to dig into the ground of the stadium and break the surface causing cracks to form, the spring helps the performance tip  come out from the ground. The cracks would vary depending on the material and location of the stadium.This  would disturb the rotation of the opponent’s bey or trap it.
Spring Shaft- ( the stake gets locked in place within the beyblade from moving) and the body of the beyblade pushes downward onto the spring while the bolt and stake stay in place   to cause the beyblade to jump. Alexis sometimes uses this after Groundbreak (when the beyblade is trapped) they beyblade jumps and aims at the edge of the energy ring  to land and force weight onto it to lose it’s balance and fly off ( the same way if pressure was pressures between the edge of a coin) = I like how these techniques hinge on the ‘anatomy’ of the Bey. =
History-
Childhood

When Alexis was growing up she had spent most of her time beybattling with Masamune, Toby, Minori and Zeo.Every single day she would often to go the park to meet the rest and learn more tips on beyblading by Toby since he was stronger and had more knowledge about the game. She had developed a crush towards Toby but pushed it aside so it wouldn’t affect the friendship they all had. Everyday was the same and her life was normal, until her parents gotten into a divorce not long after Toby became ill with a disease was slowly taking his life away. This was heartbreaking for Alexis since she and her brother would split ways. When Alexis was moving out of the house she was about to give Zeo a goodbye hug, but instead he pushed her off due to so many bad things happening at the same time. Alexis moved away with her mother while her father and Zeo stayed behind. She wasn’t able to see Toby since then and didn’t knew what Zeo was doing since they didn’t  contacted or met with each other. Since then, Zeo joined Hades. Inc while Alexis joined Silver Star Rex. Both parents remained single ever since.
(Prior to/up to)Metal Fusion

Alexis was taking her training seriously in SSR since there was no other things that had caught her interest, she only battled when she has leisure time. ::Heh, looks like Alexis gets no rest from training:: During the time Alexis was getting closer to the CEO of SSR,James Sims, and they soon grew a father/daughter relationship. This was mainly due to her being the youngest member to become a Golden Knight ::What is a Golden Knight? Is this a term that is assigned to the spies who are affiliated with SSR? Is this some sort of ranking system for them? Please go into depth about this::. Alexis’ mother began dating the CEO for a couple months once Alexis began talking about him. Things were looking up for the divorced family. The happiness didn't last long though. When DNA began causing trouble to bladers, James didn’t do anything and often ignored when they were mentioned. He even ended up changing the rules of the organization on who to spy on, one of them was not the DNA organization that many found suspicious and believed they should be on the enemy list. He started to open the organization late instead around 5 in the morning. ::Why did James start to change so much of his format just because of DNA? Is there any specific reason why he completely disregarded the troubles of bladers and their lives when that was the purpose of their association? There are an abundant amount of questions that need to be answered:: When he would open SSR, he would bring multiple packages of alcohol with him and hide it in his office. His behavior began to change from being serious to being happy-go-lucky most of the time. :: Did his personality change drastically because of the consumption of alcohol or what? Also what is the purpose of James bringing alcoholic beverages to work so carelessly, especially if he’s technically the director of this organization? Again, there are unanswered questions and plot holes in this:: *plus note that a CEO would not be allowed with alcohol as it would be against not just a spy company but ANY company policy unless it’s a party involving alcohol* When James was in the home of Alexis, he was waiting for Margaret and Alexis to sleep. When Alexis was on her way to her room, she was planning to say goodnight to her mother and James in the living room, When she came there, she noticed James drop a dissolving drug in the glass of wine that her mother was about to drink without her mother knowing ::WAS HE GOING TO DRUG HIS OWN GIRLFRIEND?? WHY WOULD HE DO THAT SO SUDDENLY???::. Alexis backed away and came in rushing to the room with her hands with a box of pads and a towel wrapped around her waist. Both of them didn’t drink the wine, but the mother did respond to Alexis since she said she had an “accident” and needs help. Both of them went to the bathroom and Alexis told her mother to call the cops and told her why ::I’m quite astonished that the mother didn’t oppose Alexis or think she was being outrageous::. Since the all three rooms were connected in the same hallway, the mother went to all 3 to get clothes, Margaret, her phone, and Alexis’ beylauncher and Bloodlust Eros ::I can understand her mother getting Margaret and the phone, but why Bloodlust Eros? I don’t think a mother would be concerned about getting a spinning top, since there is a potentially dangerous man out there, she would focus primarily on getting what’s important. Is this just merely plot convenience or?:: . She hid  the items in the clothes and “asked” Margaret to come with her since she needed her help to make it seem the accident was bad. The cops were being called and James gotten up to eavesdrop on them. The bathroom door was locked and he heard the conversation. ::Shouldn’t they be more cautious of talking since James is technically still in their household?:: He knocked on the door and asked why they were calling the cops. It was silent for a moment and then James tried breaking into the door. Margaret panicked while the mother tried to calm her down. Alexis opened the window and quietly told her mother to exit first with Margaret. ::So a mother left her own child with a threatening man who can possibly harm her? Again, that’s extremely perilous, and a mother would most likely hesitate with that::  The door opened and James saw the window open and on the floor there was Bloodlust Eros spinning, it performed Thorn Blitz which knocked out James and did severe damage to him and the bathroom. The police arrived during the incident, then did the ambulance to pick up the knocked-out James. Everyone else was safe and not hurt.  The CEO of SSR was replaced by one of the most respected members,Daniel Williams, since he were a Bronze Soldier ::As stated before, please specify what these terms mean in SSR or the audience cannot comprehend the story well::. When James was back on his feet, Alexis and him went to court ::Alexis and him? It would seem more logical if the mother and him were on trial, since the mother is the actual victim in the situation as Alexis is merely a bystander::. Alexis was not found guilty, while James was charged and sentenced twenty-five years in prison. The reason for this was when  Daniel was taking his position, he found information in James’ computer where he was bribed by DNA from keeping them getting in trouble or finding out secretive information and did other illegal deals such as being part of the Black Market since SSR was in desperate need of resources and money at the time. ::When did SSR start to have financial troubles? This was never mentioned or foreshadowed before, as this comes off as extremely confusing rather than being a plot twist. The sentence explaining why James committed his acts makes it even more bewildering and a huge pander to audiences. In short, this section needs to be more clarified and taken into consideration of improvement:: Alexis didn’t quit the program,but did have serious trust issues from getting close to anyone except for her own family.  Daniel payed for the damages in the bathroom. Margaret and her mother thanked him. For Alexis, she just have him a glowering expression and walked away. ::Well that was random::
Metal Masters

SSR became more powerful and had more people joining it more than before ::Why were people willing to join SSR just now? With the whole event of what happened with James, people will most likely become more wary of SSR rather than joining alongside it blindly::, this helped them get more information and protect strong bladers who were on the risk of being  kidnapped for their power beyblades. When they discovered more about Hades Inc. and Dr. Ziggurat's plans for using a  beyblades as a nuclear power source ::Again, this is somewhat invalid::, they told Alexis that Zeo was there and was working for them but wasn’t aware of  Dr. Ziggurat’s plans. ::How can the SSR comprehend that Zeo is unaware of Dr. Ziggurat’s plan for beyblade::  She was the first one to volunteer to spy and get more information from Hades Inc. before SSR could give any orders to do so. It was risky since she could be caught if her brother finds her. SSR given her a new ID card   before she could temporarily join Hades Inc, to keep anyone from guessing that she is related to Zeo. She designed herself as  Cynthia Blackthorn during the mission, even outside of it. She did get new information but wouldn't send it to SSR since she was caught and helped captive since she showed suspicious behavior whenever Zeo was mentioned and avoided him at all costs. Luckily she had her Bloodlust Eros beyblade with her and twisted the fusion wheel to show the diamond spikes and use it to create a opening on the metal door, but it took a while to do so since the door was thicker than the length of the spikes.She was being questioned but she didn’t answer to any of them but laughed and shrugged it off. :: Due to how she is acting, Alexis would have been killed on the spot for ignoring their questions in an intense situation. By the way, how did she get questioned if she basically escaped from the room she was captivated in?:: She escaped when Masamune and Zeo went to saved Toby and followed them. The friendship the gang once had finally revived so did the sibling bond with Zeo. This caused the divorced parents to give each other a chance and eventually gotten remarried. ::Why did the parents randomly wish to get back together after Alexis and Zeo made amends? It doesn’t really follow with the storyline, neither does it make sense.::
Metal Fury

The daredevil, and brave side of Alexis was shown throughout the entire season. She quickly “joined” Gingka’s gang to help them out even though she wasn’t a legendary blader. When she battles members of Nemesis, the beybattles were different. She cheated by using Thorn Blitz, physically fought  them or sometimes tranquilized the members to get more information of their plans, next locations and weaknesses etc.Zeo would try to follow her and join beybattles to defeat the enemies but there were times where she fled without him knowing and faced them by her own. ::Why would Zeo randomly start following Alexis? During the time of Metal Fury, he was with Toby the whole time, leaving Toby all alone would be something he opposed:: This would cause a tremble her relationship since she has been stressing herself out and risking her own life. ::How is this straining their relationship? It would’ve been fine if Zeo was worried about her well-being at best, he will most likely become protective over her than anything:: Her sister, Margaret would constantly call her to check if she and the rest were safe, Alexis lied to comfort her sister from worrying. Eventually one time when she was following Johannes she was stuck behind the head and kidnapped. Just like Dynamis,she was controled by dark energy and they insert the stone within her beyblade ::How did they insert the stone within her beyblade:: and one a necklace so it would be more difficult for her break free like Dynamis did. She was freed right after Nemesis was defeated by the legendary Bladers. Once she went back home, not long after she resumed to doing more training and became a Bronze Soldier in SSR. Which is the highest and most respected position for someone to be in the program ::Wouldn’t it make more sense if gold was the top instead of bronze? That would seem more logical:: yet it can be very dangerous since she would have to do dangerous tasks. Her family was furious about this and demanded Alexis to quit. ::Why would they want her to quit so suddenly? Especially when she’s in the top ranking of her agency. Her parents should’ve been well aware of the consequences of putting their daughter in a spy agency, it seems off putting when they all of a sudden wish for her to quit::  They pressured her to quit by having a ”conversation” in a room all together. During the discussion, Alexis didn’t say much since the discussion was based off of anger and fear from both parents. Alexis didn’t doubt about what they said and agreed with everything her parents said even though it didn’t appeal to her. They did nothing, but cause     their relationship to become unhealthy ::What?::. Alexis changed a little bit , she no longer parkoured, but instead did nothing and had  a flashback of the conversation. Since then Alexis has hanged out with her sister and friends more than her parents ::So she completely disregarded her parents because they were concerned for her well-being?::.  Two years prior to Zero G, SSR called Alexis. Since they needed her for a special and dangerous mission since she is the only leftover Bronze Soldier to do the job ::Why was she the only Bronze Soldier left when initially many people joined the SSR at the start of Metal Fury? There would most likely be more Bronze Soldiers than just Alexis::. Margaret knew that only two people would accept her doing this, Toby and Margaret :: Please show more clarity with your sentence::. She accepted the mission and began planning for the the day. She was packing clothing and other items into a couple suitcases. She called both of them and told them about the plan and agreed to help her move into SSR for the mission.Alexis left a note on her bed before she went out. It was late at night and they all met in the park where the group first met during their childhood. There was a car parked which belonged to SSR and placed the luggage in the trunk. Alexis said goodbye to her sister with a hug. When it was Toby’s turn, Alexis pulled him by the collar, Margaret thought they were to kiss, but instead it turned out to be a very tight hug around his neck. ::That doesn’t make any sense:: When Alexis returned to SSR, she parnter in the mission was Gingka Hagane since they were in the same position within the system :idn’t you mention before that Alexis was the only Bronze Soldier in SSR? It’s a bit contradictory. And when did Gingka enter the SSR? Wasn’t the SSR specifically meant to protect Legendary Bladers or good bladers like Gingka? Not to mention, Gingka is more affiliated with the WBBA, a company that SSR is initially cautious about::. For two weeks, Alexis has been warming up and preparing herself for the mission. The  mission was about finding the third member of the Diamond Resistence and assassinate them. Both of them went the the Diamond nation that the oligarchy ruled. They had to go to multiple locations to find evidence and find more information of the hideouts of the oligarchy since they only appeared on the news and their location can’t be tracked down by hackers. ::What are you trying to imply? Your sentence doesn’t make any sense to me::


Zero G
There was no luck finding the third member of the oligarchy. The mission lasted for two years and war was happening ::War? Are you aware that this is just Beyblade?::. Alexis has in disguise as Cynthia Blackthorn. Gingka as well having his own disguise and undercover name. They had to stay in hotels in the cities  all over the nation. = Which nation - Japan? By this point in the bio, information given at the start of the bio will most likely have been forgotten, so it’s better to state it again instead of letting readers guess. = There was extreme poverty in the rural areas, and violence suburbs nearby the rural areas. = Not in Zero-G. = On the cities there were was rarely violence. Luckily SSR found one of the hideouts where the next meeting would take place for the group. Plans were made and the two oligarchy members were killed. The Diamond nation was down and countries were slowly going back to normal. Gingka and Alexis were offered to take a break for a day by going to a special party in celebration.One of the hosts of the celebration was a relative of the oligarchy. While Alexis was there she noticed that the host was wearing a thick coat even though it wasn’t that cold that night. Then the lights went out and the speakers stopped playing music, but instead had a voice play, which belonged to Doji’s. Doji said : There is an "explosive" surprise I have for you all". Alexis knew with what he meant since she was used to listening to puns made by Minori and she knocked out the host. Everyone was quiet and they discovered he had a bomb attached to him. Everyone ran towards the exit and Alexis made sure everyone was out before her, As she was running, the bomb went off and she was knocked out ::Wouldn’t she be dead if the bomb was close to her?::. Gingka found half of her body was under the debris from the building. She was sent to a hospital and was in a coma and had a broken leg from the impact. Margaret was in Japan protecting two bladers and when DNA revealed themselves. Margaret compared the logo of DNA to the Diamond Resistance's. There were more members of the oligarchy than anyone else had believed. Once 3 months passed, Alexis had awoken and Gingka was sent to Japan to find  Doji. Because of the bomb, both Gingka and Alexis had Auditory Defensiveness  Once DNA was brought down, the Garcias were arrested and charged. The family and friends of Alexis had helped and did everything to "cure" her depression. While Alexis was in the hospital, Minori and Margaret talked to Alexis about her needing to confess her feelings to Toby since  she concealed them for too long ::It's kind of random to discuss her affections for Toby right after she woke up from a coma. That isn't the best thing to do, this will most likely make her anxiety worsen::. Once Toby entered the room, Alexis broke down to tears and explained that everything she did had because of him In all honesty, Toby would feel more like a burden seeing how Alexis acknowledged that she was placed in a coma for his sake. That'll most likely be problematic in their relationship as Toby would distance himself than letting Alexis get hurt for him::. He accepted her feelings and waited for her to stop crying so he could give her a kiss on the forehead. For a year the two dated and moved in together.
After Zero G
A year had passed since the downfall of the Diamond Resistance happened and to celebrate the WBBA decided to host an international beyblade tournament. Alexis was honored to win a special award from SSR for her brave and work, thus she permanently stopped working for SSR.  Everyone in the gang( made up of  Alexis,Zeo,Gingka,Minori, Masamune,Toby and Margaret) wanted to be part of the American team,but only four members would be allowed along with a escort to tell the team where to go next. Once the competition started to determine the team, only two members of the gang were part of the team, Alexis and Margaret. The other two were Sakyo and Takanosuke.
Toby decided to be an the escort to come along with Alexis. Margaret was completely fine with it while Alexis had mixed feelings about it. The team had trouble working together at the beginning mainly due to Alexis lacking in companionship for the other two members. After she began to know Takanosuke more she was fine with him. She still had trouble developing a bond with Sakyo, but after having a conversation with her sister, she became more open-minded. Once Alexis and Sakyo were forming a friendship slowly, he began to change more and often requested to volunteer for people to form bonds with them to strengthen his beyspirit. Margaret would come and help him to socialize with others. This lead the two having a relationship at the end of the tournament. Alexis and Toby were enjoying traveling and became closer to nature. They ended up battling team Japan in  the finals.With the help of the team, Sakyo’s beysprit was strong enough for him to achieve his goal and won against Zero. Since then, Alexis and Toby lived an hour away from the city since both of them became close to nature. Since then they both owned the Dungeon Gym and were full-time trainers. They gotten engaged when the two reached a decade-old relationship and had two children; one named Bloom and the other  Max. Since then Alexis  never had to take life-ending risks again.

Trivia- Alexis’s design,life and personality based off  a red rose with the help of a quote
“Sharp thorns produce delicate roses”-Ovid
Alexis’ theme song is “Alive”-by Sia
With the training that Alexis did in SSR, she learned to control over the paranoia from showing off physical signs of it.
She  learned about drugs which is why she knew something was suspicious with the drink James was about to give to her mother.
Alexis had brass-knuckle rings on her gloves when she was a teenager.

= Final notes: I have to say that the next-to-last part was a struggle because of how it clashed with accepted in-universe canon. As far as I know, there were no signs of war during Zero-G, instead it focused on the struggles of a new generation of Beybladers when DNA - the Zero-G incarnation of Dark Nebula - reared its head. While there are clear differences between rural and urban areas, there was nothing in the series to hint at extreme poverty and other effects of war. If anything, such a “war” would be confined to that of ‘good’ Beybladers against ‘bad’ Beybladers - even if MFB, as a series, did have its dark moments, actual war breaking out is taking it too far. The continuation of Alexis’s story to a year after Zero-G, however, is a nice touch, and in my opinion would work better as the main focus of this character’s story in Zero-G, since that section needs to be amended to fix the extremes.
To reiterate what the other reviewers have said, and to add my own insights:
More background on SSR is needed, particularly when it comes to what looks like a ranking system. Its story, as a whole, also needs to be fixed, as there are sections that make no sense - such as people wanting to join it after it went bankrupt - that is the opposite of what would happen to such an organization in real life.
Some actions or else their consequences make no sense. Leaving Alexis alone with a possibly harmful individual, for example, isn’t something her mother would likely do, even under pressure of the situation in that scene.
There are many instances of contradiction going on; the personality section alone is confusing because of this, and Alexis’s main story contains several examples. I seem to recall an earlier part of the bio stating that her parents remained single ever since their divorce, yet delving into the story shows that they seem to have reconciled at some point. This is why over-explaining or embellishing certain sections is detrimental to the OC creator as well; with so many details, it becomes hard to track what was said and what wasn’t said. A good way to make sure a character’s story stays cohesive throughout a bio is to list key scenes or turning points in the story, and what led to these. Then tell the story, using those key scenes as your guidelines.
Overall, this OC has potential, but because of the pitfalls encountered throughout the bio, she’s on shaky ground as far as being a Metal Fight Beyblade OC is concerned. Her story doesn’t quite mesh well with the story of MFB, despite interesting ideas. I honestly could put her in a different universe, change the names of canon characters and take out MFB-related terms,  and her story would be okay, for the most part. It’s because of this that the execution doesn’t quite fall flat, it’s as if the OC creator forgot what universe they were writing a character for. But again, I stress, the ideas are interesting; more effort needs to go into making sure it fits into the MFB storyline without interfering with accepted canon, or disregarding it. All in all, I’d give Alexis a 4/10. =  

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Hello you guys its been a long time ever since you waited to the contest to be over. Well today is the day! Its time to choose the winners. Remember 1st place was 100 points 2nd place was 50 points and third is 20 pictures from me. Okay now the winners I pronounce is.....

1st:- (she was really wonderful and creative on this one)

2nd:-::thumb336307470: ( I like the way she did the eyes of Mel)

Last but not least for 3rd....

3rd (love the way she made Mel look so innocent)

Thanks for the other Entries guys: Here some other ones that were great

:thumb323448503: